a quickie

I need to quit hating myself for everything that I'm not. There are plenty of bad habits, mindsets, and character flaws that I have more than enough opportunity to attempt to make right, rather than not even trying just because I can look over at this person, this accomplishment, or these dreams of mine and realize that they aren't going to happen. I wasn't given those gifts, I wasn't given those opportunities, I didn't take advantage of them if they were remotely present. Get over it. Whether I like it or not, God is leading my life, why do it kicking and screaming?  Why do it bitter and complaining the whole way? It's like I'm being dragged on a rope pulling as hard as I can the opposite way without realizing, I'm going to heaven! Seriously, Jesus saved me, He loves me, He rescued me from  myself, He died for me, I'm freaking going to heaven! What in the world is my deal with hating life so much?! Because all too often that's not enough? I want more? Because the blessings I do have don't matter compared to the ones I want to have? Ignorance, selfishness, idolatry, disobedience, denial, shame, regret, repeat. I cut myself off from basking in the joy of knowing God because I'm so self adsorbed with my own god. Grow up dude, get mature with it already.